Jobless

I am still jobless and its making me feel stuck.. Like I have no other option in life.  When I wrote my husband earlier today and told him how I feel and that if we needed to be apart that I am at a point in my life it would be ok with me and that I understood that he needed to be himself (or sometimes sheself)  But I feel like I cant leave even if I felt that I needed to.  I have children that need to have a roof over their head and food in their bellies and I cant do that without a job.

I feel worthless from not finding a job.. having no job gives me no options in my life..

I am going to cancel my Dr Appt I had for next week.  it was for my esophagus because I am having trouble swallowing food again and it gets caught and I feel like im choking and I have to either struggle and wait for it to pass or make myself throw it up.. but right now even with husbands insurance I don't want to spend what little extra money we have on a appointment.. and I am not sure how much its going to cost.. then if I have to have the surgery again...I give up so much.. no one ever notices or see's .. but im selfish cause I want a manly husband 24x7