Im tired...

Tired of not being able to have a convo with him without him getting so defensive and making me feel like its wrong for me to feel the way I feel.. so i hold everything in..

his legs are shaved again..i hate it.. it makes my skin crawl..i dont want him near me.. he asks me whats wrong.. i lie and say nothing im just tired.. i cant talk to him about it cause he gets mad and says I take everything away from him

"I take everything away from him.."

What has he taken from me..I am giving up everything I loved about him everything i loved about a relationship between us everything i thought a man was.. to this crap... so i can hide it all deep inside so he can be happier.. and i can slowly die.. and pray to god every night that he just take me in my sleep..

i hate myself...

I started crying

I started crying on my way home from work today. In the middle I whispered "I just want a man". I don't want a man that wants to play dress up every now and then. I don't want a man who shaves his legs and they reflect the light like a barbie doll. I don't want a man who likes to loon at other men too.

I want a hairy man with scruff all over. A man that I can cuddle next to and call him my Teddy bear. I want a man who wants to make me happy like I want to make my man happy. A man who will do anything to make me happy just like Ive sacrificed to make him happy. I want a man who will put me on a pedestal and be satisfied with just me. I want a man who wears men's underwear and men's clothes. (I think men's boxer briefs are so friggen sexy).

I guess u can say I just want a man...

I caught myself today looking at men's legs. The hair. Out if the tons of men I looked at not a single one had shaved shinny legs. And I saw over 100 pairs of legs today. I look at men more now then I use to. Noticing things seeing them as attractive. I didn't before all this....before all this I was satisfied...

I wanna just throw in the towel

I really don't know how long I can go on in my relationship. Inside it's just killing me. Why didn't he say something to me before we got married. Sure they say it's hard for a cd person to reveal such info but omg he took me as his wife he devoted his love to me. And he didn't love me enough to tell me before so I could deciede if I want to live with this my whole life??? Its slowly killing our relationship. I don't know if I want to stay anymore. But I feel stuck. I can't support my 3 children on what I make at work let alone I couldn't support myself So I'm stuck. Stuck in a marriage I don't want to be in. A marriage where I married someone I didn't even really know. Ha ha jokes on me we decided NOT to give you prince charming BUT instead give you princess charming.

I want out. If my husband knew how unhappy I was he would twist it all around so it's my fault and he's the angel and I'm just the one who complains about everything.

Deep in my heart I wish he would stop. I wish that he would wake up one morning and say "you know thus hurts my wife the woman I love. She never asked for this". But yeah we all know the classic line that it's impossible to stop or don't make a cd choose. Well you know what you are making the wife choose between being happy or having to deal with this the rest I'd her life.