So I was reading a post on the CD forums with someone who posted about their wife and they are getting separated now but not divorced. In the post they talked about how they could see the pain and sadness in their wife. Makes me wonder if I am just a super good actress or my own husband just ignores the pain and sadness I have. Anyways..
They had been married for 20 some odd years yet she had known for a good mount of time that he was a CDer. I guess from what I understood she had this pain/sadness cause she was not attracted to him anymore. She wanted more manly etc and he was to feminine for her liking. Which brings me to my latest struggle...
Leg hair...
Why is it so important to me? Its hair that grows on the legs.. most women shave it off.. some men shave it off for sports.. So why do I have this issue? I can think of a couple things which go back to the above of me talking about the wife who felt unattractive to her husband... I am not attracted to men with legs that are shaved. I just cant get over it. Even sports figures I see who have shaved legs I just really get turned off by it. The feeling against my legs.. it makes me really want to just grow my own leg hair out so I don't have to feel that feeling from his legs on mine. (Which I confuse I truly thought about doing that the other day.. but if I don't shave then he gets upset.... go figure *rolls eyes*).. feeling his legs after they are shaved is just way to smooth for me and makes my skin basically crawl.. it turns me off.. i don't want to be next to him.. yet its just leg hair right? *sigh* The 2nd reason why I don't like it cause I know it links him more to his CDing.. Its not what I want.. but this relationship now I see it has not ever been want I wanted.. none of it has been about me... its always been about him from the start of our marriage.. I give in to his wants all the time. My kids even see it and have now called him out on it.. me doing every little thing for him even if I am busy at the time and hes doing jack shit.. i get up and do it for him...
*Sigh*
I want to be noticed like that wife above.. noticed by my husband.. I want him to notice that
I'm Broken..
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