Sex Drive.. My sex drive use to basically be non existent. I am not sure why but I have some sort of clues as to maybe.. I started mother hood when I was almost 16. From that time on I was busy taking care of a child while still a child myself. Then I had baby #2 when I was 18.. so then I was taking care of 2 children at my still young age. then before I turned 21 I had the last.. baby #3.. so I had 3 children at once 5 and under. and I was still was young myself.
Not to mention that my husband.. even though a adult by law was sometimes more of a child/baby then all 3 of my children combined. I took care of him as well and basically waited on him hand and foot. At the end of the day I was tired and not in the mood for anything what so ever. Maybe it would of helped if he would of helped me out around the house or with the kids. But that never happened. I became really depressed. Probably cause of the big responsibility I had as well as the mental and occasionally physical abuse at that time. To me sex then was like a chore and 99.9% of the time he was the one who was asking for it. I cant really think of a time back then when I actually asked for sex cause I wanted it.
This lasted well many many years. and I am sorry for my husband cause I know it must have been frustrating for him. most of the time when he did want it I would give it up but there were times when I didn't. I was just so tired inside and out. I didn't even feel attractive.
Now this past year its changed a bit. Well quite a bit. I tired 32 this past year and well my sex drive has changed as well. Now its like I cant get satisfied with it. I wouldn't mind having it more then once a day. Which is like a big extreme from before when I didn't mind if we had sex once a month. Although sometimes I get bummed cause there were a couple times a month or so ago that he just lost it during sex and we had to stop. It makes me feel like I don't turn him on enough anymore.. I know that's not the case but I cant help feeling that way.
Even though all the stuff I found out this year about him you would think I would of lost some desire to have sex with him. With the CDing and the yahoo chats and him wanting to be with men. But that hasn't stopped me. maybe it would of in the past but hes my only sexual outlet so I guess that's what goes in my mind and I love him and his whole body just turns me on.
So as I was reading women usually peak in their 30's and the average age is 32 so I guess I fit those statistics pretty well. I just hope it lasts for awhile. I would hate for it to be short lived.
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